New Years

Today has been pretty eventful I would say. Went and ran 3 miles with my best friend Larena Sue Rushton. Then we ran some errands and then we went to the motocross races. They are really cool just fyi. And then her wonderful father made us hamburgers on the grill :) he is a glorious man I tell you! Then we started our latest and greatest project making purses. And then I came home and watched planet earth with my dad and my brother John. They are the funniest people to watch t.v. with because they ad-lib in all this stuff into the show. Nature documentaries are probably the most humorous though. And then James and Cody came over! Cody let me try on his CTR ring it was super huge cause I just have skinny little fingers and such. I was also like well shoot because I ALWAYS look like garbage when people come over to my house. Imagine that right? Me looking like garbage such a shocker. But anyway I have a few goals for new years. I will accomplish them because I accomplished my goal from last year therefore I have to keep accomplishing them.
1. Read my scriptures with real intent
2. Get in excellent shape.
3. Run a 5k
4. Be kinder to others
5. Be more patient
I feel like five new years is a pretty manageable goal right? Also reflecting on my progress over this past year I have grown up a lot and grown much stronger in various ways and I am very proud of myself! I have however had some slip ups such as being unkind to some people (so disappointed in myself cause I totally know better)   and other regrettable things that aren't super serious but I could still improve upon! Also another thought I had that has nothing to do with new year's at all but I will share nonetheless. I am actually quite concerned I am one of those "preachy people" that everyone just goes shut up!! Every time I talk about church related matters. Because I know people like that they are the people that personally attack you and then do the same exact thing. It's lame and it makes you want to yell and holler in their face and be like "hey you big fat dumb moron shut up and leave me alone!" I really really hope I am not like that :/ I just try to share what I know to be true and be sincere I hope it doesn't rub people the wrong way. Anyway Happy New Year to all :) Love Ya!

Welcome to My Life

Basically my life consists of awesome days where great things happen like; finding spare change on the side walk, eating a peanut butter banana and honey sandwich, working out at the gym so hard I feel like I might fall over, or getting a hug from Brogan (for those of you who have never had a hug from Brogan your life pretty much sucks and that is all there is to it) and then every other day of the week I am constantly getting the shaft like; having my math teacher tell me she will open up my test online so I can make corrections and get a better grade and then she doesn't, elbowing a car door so hard trying to get out of the wretched car that I feel like you broke my arm, catching my pinky toe on the corner of the counter or couch or piano, having somebody tell me they like me and then say they aren't ready to be in a relationship and then a week later they have a girlfriend, or having leftover food that you had from the night before and its fast sunday and you finally get home from church to eat it and somebody else has eaten instead. Sometimes it's hard not to be bitter about all these stupid things and it makes me want to do something drastic like go Brittney Spears crazy and shave my head or throw raw eggs at people just to unleash my pent up rage. But I don't, I try to be a good sport and roll with the punches and whatnot. But sometimes it is honestly more than I can handle. Sometimes it's nice to just throw a good ol' fashion fit :)

Pretty Sad

I was perusing the internet the other day and I came across this poem about anorexia.

Looking good is all I want all I need
It's all that will show that I can succeed
Every bite must be controlled and small
I feel them watching, I am pinned against the wall
On the inside it doesn't show
But on the outside soon they will know
The beauty of being deathly thin
Bones sticking out under paper skin
I must defeat my will to eat
It is a thing easily beat
Workout six hours everyday
Want a cookie? I push it away
I will show them all that I can do it
They don't know how addicting it is to go through it
They think they see the pain behind my eyes
From starving myself to be a smaller size
All I can see is amazing will and strength
I only have myself to thank
No one can help or understand
That when I don't eat I am the one with the upper hand

This makes me feel sick inside for various reasons. But I feel like it shows how an anorexic person's mind operates. It's pretty serious stuff.

I Really Hope So!

I was sitting in church today and I was listening to all the great speakers and talks and lessons and such and everyone is all excited for christmas and feeling the christmas spirit coursing through their veins, although that could be the hot cocoa and cookies and candy everyone eats at this time of year lol. There definitely could be some pre-diabetes coursing through every ones veins haha I am sure that helps with the giddiness! Anyway I just feel like I havn't really had as much of the christmas spirit as I could have. And I sat in church and I was feeling all junky and like a big fat selfish jerk. So I was thinking of ways that I could let other people in my life know how much I appreciate and love them and just genuinely car about them. I always feel like I have to do these big grand things for people so they will know how much I adore them because I feel like words can never quite adequately express how much I love and appreciate the people in my life. But at the same time I can't bake cookies for everyone all the time because 1. I would be broke. And 2. Everyone would be all fat and stuff and then I would feel bad for their health lol. So I have to come up with a way to let people know how I really feel. I could go around hugging everyone like there is no tomorrow but there are some people I don't like to hug :p (sorry folks) as I sit here munching on all the food I stole from the cafeteria I just can't decide what to do. Maybe it's like that one story says Love isn't spelled S-T-U-F-F it's spelled T-I-M-E. So maybe if I could sit there and talk to all the rad people I know maybe they could feel how much I care about them by donating my time :)

Things I Miss

I miss my mom
I miss my best friend Larena
I miss my dog
I miss bananas
I miss my best friend Gabby
I miss my best friend Kelsey even though she is in the living room right now
I miss my little brother
I miss my dad
I miss my best 3 year old friend Johnathon Haderlie
I miss babysitting
I miss playing soccer with my friends
I miss my bed
I miss being warm
I miss my washer and dryer that don't cost quarters to use
I miss our christmas tree with all our mismatched crazy ornaments that were made by me and my brothers
I miss christmas music in the car
I miss driving a car
I miss summer adventures
I miss breaking into the canyons pool and hot tub
I miss feeling like everything wasn't all different and that I am all old and lame and sad :(

Holidays Should be Happy...Right?

I feel like based on what I see on facebook and just hear about in my everyday life that people are just constantly so unhappy with their lives. A lot of it is I don't have enough of this or I need more of that. I will be happy when I look this way or when I get this done or when this is over. Wow. Life is for living people lol. It's hard it sucks it makes you scream and cry and pound your fist on the table and think why? Why do these things always happen to me? I feel like finding joy in the journey is a lost art. I think we need to cherish and enjoy the little things like puppies. Puppies are awesome I want one so bad so it can run around and when i get home it will come greet me like "hey dude where ya been I have missed ya!!!" and then I will hold that fluffy little guy and we will be best friends and i will teach him to go potty outside and not chew shoes and clothes and things. It will be awesome! People often tell me I am easily entertained and excited. This is so true lol. I honestly would not want it any other way though because those little things people often look over are what add interest and flair to my otherwise very dull life. I just really feel like if people had the mindset of "hey I am gonna enjoy my freakin life today and nobody is going to stop me!!" then people wouldn't be so sour. Plus it's December the best month of the year! It is my favorite because I love giving treats to people and caroling. And having apple cider. And everything else about his joyous season. So everyone please don't be sad. Or i will come and throw some Christmas cheer right in your face :)

It's a Bit Chilly

So the world drenched cedar city with snow! Its quite beautimous cause it's just so powdery and fluffy and stuff. But my face goes numb and my hands get cold and it makes my ears hurt a little bit :p but it's ok. You know why? Because I had blueberry pancakes today in the dining hall for breakfast! Cept guess what people. There was only a total of 2 blueberry's in both of my blueberry pancakes other than that they were just kind of this blueish color but it's cool I am still grateful for them anayway :) and there was real fruit not out of a can and bananas it has been a dya of miracles. And so as I am writing this certian individuals are ragging on me to make mac and cheese. Look I will get to it in my own freakin good time here people!! Right now I want to listen to all I want for christmas is you by mariah carey and write this blog post. I hope that's ok with you people cause that's what is gonna happen k? Lol sometimes I just hate being told what to do. It's like I have only been in charge of myself and my life for 18 years now so if you think you can just boss me around you can go fall in a ditch cause it's not happening. But other days it's ok lol. Just depends on what mood I am in I guess. It also depends on how condescending the person is being too. I hate when people talk down to me. Lol but yeah it's cool whatever. Hope you all have an awesome day! I am off to kraft some mac!

Today

Today has been a good day. I got up showered got ready for the day and had some delicious breakfast. I went to my math class and learned some stuff that I will probably never use again. Let me rephrase that I will make SURE I never have to use them again. I will sail through the remainder of my life avoiding all problems that require polynomials and quadratic equations to fix them. Sorry crazy Kelly with the flippy hair I don't want your freakin math dendrites!! Then I came home and went and ate some lunch with my best friends a.k.a my roommates they pretty much rock. Little Lennyx was sleeping tho so I just let her keep on napping. Then I saw a kid with really really blue eyes! They were so pretty. I was jealous because I have pretty much only wanted blue eyes my whole life. My eyes are boring like it wouldn't even be worth your time to deeply stare into them. Plus I would probably think you were a weirdie. And then I went to institute. I honestly really do like institute it's just I have hard time not zoning out. My mind is constantly wondering basically. If you could just see what I was thinking about when I am just sitting there it would be quite the mind bending journey lol. And then I did math homework. Well attempted to math homework. And I got so focused that I was almost late for my p.e. class. It's a pretty fun class we learn about things I am interested in like nutrition and eating disorders and exercising and all that jazz. And then I came home talked to my mom on the phone for like 5 minutes and that brings us to about now! Oh! Yesterday I saw Santa Claus at bread and soup night we had a nice talk he asked me what I wanted for christmas. I said a boyfriend. He said no. Idk why he said no I have been way good this year. Lol idk lately I have been feeling like I have been single for long enough just the hard part is finding the right fellow :p cause I think plenty of people around campus are attractive and lots of my guy friends are attractive just the thing is I have to not be repulsed by the idea of kissing you it's as simple as that. And there are some people I just can't picture kissing. It's ok though I am willing to wait. I would rather not be one of those insta-couples you see around campus who date for like a week and then for some reason or another never talk or want to be in the same room with the person ever again lol. So it's cool I can wait :)

Bothersome

Some things bother me. like when people leave the door open. Stupid. We are paying for heat why would we leave the door wide open? Plus it's cold why would we leave the door open?
Or when people pout when they are mad at me. Also stupid. I apologized and I feel bad, now you are just being a jerk by making me suffer because your feelings are hurt. Does it solve anything? No. Is it pathetic? Yes. Always.
Yelling also bothers me, Like yelling when you are having fun and being loud like that totally fine. Yelling because you are upset and swearing and stuff, it makes me feel so gross inside sitting and listening to how you don't have a big enough vocabulary to properly express yourself.
Swearing is another thing that bothers me. It literally makes me cringe. Especially when it's like a guy I like or am good friends with it just makes me so sad. Why? Because it's kind of a let down for me when someone I think is totally cool and rad and cute swears. The f-word especially. That one is the worst. Maybe I will start telling people that when they swear. That they are making me sad inside. They will probably just tell me to shut up, but if I believe in it I feel like it is worth it.
I also hate when people tell me I am stupid. That hurts. It really makes me just want to punch you in the face. But I am a lady and I don't hit people (usually) so I usually just get up and walk away so the person won't see   how much what they said really did effect me. I tend to do that with a lot of things. Lol I am just a runner in every aspect of my life I guess. Run for fun and for exercise run away from people that hurt me and run at my problems so I can tackle them head on and get them over with.
I also hate when people leave out the milk. Milk goes in the fridge. Duh!!
I also can't stand when people can't decide what they want. Like there was this guy I dated I was totally in love with him like if he would have asked for a kidney i would have been like alright cut me open lets do this. I would have done everything for him and then he broke up with me for this girl who was not the best girl. Let's just say she got around. That was the worst thing ever I was so mad. And then he realized he made a mistake and wanted to get back together which we did and then he broke up with me again and then I decided I honestly could not care less about someone who could do that to me not once. But twice. So after that I was so so happy enjoying my life and then we hung out together once like 2 weeks before he left for his mission and he told me he never stopped liking me the whole time and that he still liked me. Hard to believe because you have a steady stream of 15 and 16 year olds to text and hang out with. It's just like why? If you cared as much as you say you do why would you do these things to me? That kid needed to grow up and make up his mind lol.
I also find it bothersome that they never seem to have pineapple yogurt in the cafeteria anymore which is dumb cause that's my favorite flavor! Strawberry is good too but the peach kind is terrible. And cherry just isn't right!
Uggs also bother me. Those shoes are freaking ugly they a should be called fuggs thats how ugly they are.
But other than that my life rocks :)

I am Bummed at my Lamerness

Reasons why I am a lamer. Reason one I dont want to go to church tomorrow just because I feel like a fatty and feel like my church clothes show off how much of a chunk I really am. So shallow of me but looking presentable is really important to me. Reason two I have no self control when it comes to some things like any sugary substance basically. I hate it I wish I was stronger or better yet I wish I didnt even like sugar that would be awesome. Reason three lately running hasnt been going very well for me. I cant run as fast and as far and as well as I want to and it makes me upset. So upset. So upset to the point where I feel like the biggest lamer that ever walked this earth. I guess that's where my perfectionism comes into play if I don't look the way I feel like I should, I get like mad at myself. And when I feel mad like that I want to run and do something about it. But you can't run at 7:30 at night in the dark thats dangerous and the p.e. building is closed. And therefore I am s.o.l. and bummed.

Fitness Marathon's

Today Starting at 5:00 sharp I will be going on a fitness marathon with my dearest roommate Lennyx Jade Hatch (a.k.a Spatchy) We will begin this marathon with a joyous hour of Zumba. Zumba is freakin fun! I love to dance and I know I am not that great at it which makes it wvwn more fun so it should be a very well spent hour of my day! And then we are going running. I am on a running plan to increase my mileage and so is she so we will being today's blessed allotment of running which is great because I love to run. It's a good release and pushing yourself that hard and finishing and then catching your breath seriously no better feeling that I know of. And then we are going to go to the plyometrics class and for those of you not familiar with plyometrics basically it's a sweat bath in there you sweat your brains out because you are jumping around for 45 minutes its the greatest and probably hardest form of cardio. Love it. Then to top it all of the abs lab class. That makes your abs get pulled and pushed and squished and squashed in ways you have never dreamed of. It's hard core. And if i actually survive this fitness marathon pretty sure I have earned the title of being one of the most hardcore people ever.

Keep on Keepin On

Well as we all have heard like a trillion times in the past week Juniper is a condemned rat hole. And I LOVED every second I was there. My new apartment is beautiful! I get to stay with my friends and yell and jump and sing and prance around that place pretty much all I want! Its a really happy time and I would like to personally thank Mccabe and his girlfriend or telling me about it they are saints. I am also thankul for all the people that were worried about me and asked if I needed help or a place to stay that was way awesome of you guys. And I would like to thank Landon from the bottom of my heart for running and finding me all the way from the Science building thats bestfriendship right there! Even though everything is ok now and nobody is homeless anymore or any of that jazz I still feel sad because this whole crisis made everyone in the building so tightly woven together in friendship it's gonna be rough :/ not that we won't ever see eachother again it's just the fact that after this semester people are leaving on their missions and I cant walk up the stairs and get water from the good fountain and end up talking to people till 1:00 in the morning. I won't be able to smile at my favorite people everyday to let them know "Hey!! I love you!" or be a goofball and jump on the couches and not care who is watching or write people love letters and slip them under the door. No more cake in cup on bithdays and no more Sierra :( I love my RA she is he raddest human being on this earth. Totally number 1 forever!! Leaving Juniper also makes me want to confess my attraction for certain male individuals that I have had crushes on since I basically got here but lets be rational here I might actually see them around campus and that would be awkward :p and embarrassing and they might not even think I am cute because I rarely if ever look cute. On the brightside though as soon as they leave on their missions I can confess all I want!! :) yay for missions!!!!!!

Cold Fingers and Toes

I got in the shower this morning and there is a problem with the showers in Juniper. They vent all the steam out of there! So when you are standing in your shower stall its different than at home you don't feel all warm and toasty like normal the front of you is cold and the back of you is toasty from the water so you turn around to get your front toasty but then your back is cold. And you can't just spin around like that for your whole shower! Can you imagine shampooing it would be like a soapy cyclone in there! And then you slip and fall and hit your head and die. Game over. i can just imagine the conversation in heaven that would ensue. "How did you die?" "I was saving puppies from a burning pet store!" "I was fighting of a burglar to save a lady and her daughter and he killed me cause they got away". "I slipped and hit my head in a soapy shower cyclone." I doubt they have stones in heaven so that they could stone the person for their idiocy so I bet they would just clobber them with clouds or something. So in order to prevent such a violent scene in heaven they should fix the showers here. And so when I get out my hands wont be freezing and unable to warm up because alas I have not made the investment in a personal hand holder. Someday soon though it's gonna happen :)

Running Shorts

Running shorts are my favorite. I dont know how I lived my life before I knew they existed. I wish I had a pair in every color. But alas I dont. They have these convenient little pockets on the inside for holding bobby pins or like m&m's (although it does look weird to reach into your shorts and pull out m&m's and eat them) or quarters or any other small essential items you might need while running or not running lol. They are so comfortable too!! Winter is going to be hard this year because running shorts and snow do not mix I am thinking. They also come in a variety of styles. They are like magic I tell you they make my legs look good and my hinder look good which is a plus because even though I workout on a daily basis I need all the help I can get!! Maybe when I die I will have them bury me in running shorts that would be nice :)

And it Came to Pass that we Were Really Creepy

So me and my best pal Kelsey decided the other night that we were going to write these sketchy love notes and slip them under a few doors in the various boy's halls around Juniper. Some notes were hilarious saying things like "I love your glasses I would lick them everyday" and some were just straight up weird like "My love for you burns like a firecracker attached to a cats tail" just things of that nature. This all would have gone according to plan without any problems except we did not even think to disquise ourselves at all! Stupid right? Its ok though me and Kelsey decided our friendship is basically us doing a whole myriad of stupid things together.  Like not putting the cap on a bottle of hydrogen peroxide and knocking it over. Anyway turns out now everyone knows it was us so now if we ever want to make these notes again chances are everyone will know it was us. Plus Kelsey put my name in one!! For the love of secrecy!!!  Note to self next time we decide to do something in any way like this. 1. Disguises: face paint, a ski mask, or at least wear a hoodie and put the hood on! 2. Dont write these letters out in the open where any average joe could walk by and be like hey watcha doin? Stupid. Just stupid. 3. Do not mention names in the notes. Ever. Period. Done. Game Over. Forever. On the brightside though everyone thought our notes were funny and cute and they were merciful and did not shun us :) there really are happy endings.

The Yes's the Maybe's and the Never's

There are three categories of guys. Well at least in my opinion. There are the yes's. A Yes is a person who meets all your preconcieved standards and requirements. They are those guys that you could call in the middle of the night because you are freaked out and even though they are dead tired they would either stay on the phone with you or they would get up and come find you to make sure you are ok. These guys are pretty rare so if you find one hold onto him and NEVER let him go!!! They also volunteer to take care of you when you are sick will go on all kinds of crazy adventures with you and remember the most insignificant things you tell them like that your favorite flowers are daffodils. Then there are the Maybe's. A Maybe is generally an all around pretty good guy but every now and again he will mess up pretty badly. These are the guys that are nice but some of the things they do leave you wondering what the heck made you think that was a good idea?! These are the guys that will forget your birthday one year. You will ask them to do something you want to do and have been really wanting to do for a long time and they will say no. They won't go to your piano recitals and when you sing songs in the car they will tell you that you really don't have to sing along with EVERY song on the radio. But they will still be there when you need them most and they will let you cry on their shoulder and still hang out with you as long as what your doing sounds fun to them. Not the best you could do but hey they could be worse right? And finally there are the Never's. A Never is a guy who you know will make your parents insane. He is the kind of guy that will act like he is too cool for you when his friends are around and apologize for it later. He is always forgetting his wallet so you always have to pay and say I will pay next time but never does. He is really immature about a lot of things and if he is having a bad day watch out because he most likely will take it out on you. This is how I calssify the guys I know in these three categories date the Yes's consider the Maybe's forget the Never's.  Kinda like good better best :)

After Workout Conversations

After I got done working out today (yes I still workout like normal even when I am sick) I was fishtail braiding my best pal kelsey's hair for her and were were talking about drama. Or the lack thereof lol. All the different people and personalities that live in our little old hall and yet the most drama we have had so far this year has been one girl never being able to remember another girls name and we thought she was being a jerk about it but that is a very small issue that quickly resolved itself. So then we started talking about other halls and about how this one hall probably has the most cliques and issues and get this it's a GUYS hall lol I thought that was hilarious.  Because guys always say that girls hold grudges and never let go of things and stuff and how guys punch eachother then laugh about it and it's over. What a bunch of garbage lol.

My Dad :)

My dad is the greatest guy ever!! I have missed hime so much since going to college. I was listening to the song "I Loved Her First" one morning before I went to math class. BIG mistake, I started bawling cause I missed my dad :/ I have been home this past weekend thanks to fall break LOVE IT!! So on Saturday night i was going to go for a 3 mile run and as I was getting ready to leave my dad said "you can not go running alone its after dark!" I am sitting here thinking what could possibly go wrong?! But I said "ok what should I do?" He said "I will ride behind you on my bike so you won't be alone" He seemed very proud of this idea had come up with so I was like ok lets go then and then my little brother John wanted to come to so we all went, me on foot, and my dad and my 13 year old little brother on their bikes. It was seriously probably the best runs I have ever been on! I would not have traded the time I got to spend talking with my brother and dad that night for anything. I was also baking cookies the other day and I was thinking to myself I am only getting older and so is my dad so I need to cherish the memories and the times I get to spend with him. Because when my kids ask me what my family was like when I grew up I want to have some good stories to tell! So instead of being immature and lame as I usually am and thinking my dad is so lame and embarrassing and ridiculous and old I am going to start writing down all the incredably wise advice he gives me and all the great memories we have together. I am just thankful I realized what I have before it was too late.